I was writing this to a Christian sewing list I am on and thought instead of being so vulnerable there, to be transparent here. I think God told me to start this website to have a place where others will be encouraged, so I can be who he made me to be ~ transparent, [groan] and so others can share their faith too. June 2004 ********************************************************************************************* I am freaking out reading all this stuff that goes wrong with a sewing machine. I am thinking of taking the one I just bought, back. I haven't even USED it yet! I just took it out of the box two days ago. Think I should take it back? While I have always scored high in mechanical stuff... oh, the Lord just showed me something of what I am afraid of. oh dear. cause I was thinking, maybe I should stick to learning to make things in wood, and he said it's because I'm more comfortable doing things in a man's world and sewing is a woman's domain and this puts me into that. And that's why it scares me. And what if I can't do it right, then it will be compared too, even if we aren't supposed to compare to each other, and then I will fail at that part of being a woman too. I guess I should explain about my upbringing some to let you know why I said that above. I think the formative years are not when a child is very young, those might form which language they speak in, things like that, but I believe a person is formed mostly when they are 12 on up. Well, I was living with my Dad learning how to do things as a tomboy. I loved to fish, go shooting, be out in nature and the wilds. Still do like those pasttimes. But I didn't learn how to sew, to knit, crochet, clean house. I hated being inside, I would rather be outside raking leaves. Still would, but we live in Phoenix, Az now, no leaves, only rock in the front yard. So the things that women do, because they are taught, I have had to learn on my own. It's a very difficult thing to unlearn stuff and relearn other stuff as many of you know who try to change behaviors. So I didn't learn how to do womanly things. Consequently, because I am upfront and do not act like many women, not all, just many, I am not always accepted into women-type things. I'm not a game player. I generally don't gossip, don't backstab, I'm not sly or conniving, which although those are mostly woman traits, they are bad ones, so I'm glad I don't do that. But I also don't call people 'hon', and I'm not usually called 'sweet'. I've been called 'kind', which is a form of sweetness and twice in my 50 years I've been called 'sweet'. But perhaps the biggest thing I do that many don't like, is I make people accountable for their actions, or lack thereof. This doesn't set well with what most women do. So anyway, sewing is a woman's forte mostly. Hmmm, now that I think of it, sewing is just another art form, a creative outlet. I can do it. Heck, I make skin care that heals eczema and other serious skin problems, I can certainly sew! It's just a new challenge and I've wanted to learn for too many years to count. Goodness, the things I have to learn! And the way God is SO patient with me and so understanding and how he teaches me in such gentle ways. Thank You Father. 6-2-04 Back