What a way to start the month.

I never thought of all that's happening with Maricopa Skill Center and Steve as being a trial/test. And I've been concerned I have not been praying as I used too, however God IS answering my prayers. I prayed I would be able to get BACK to the soc sec ofc today in record time. what took 40 min before took 27. And other prayers of like nature. Daily prayer stuff is what I call them. the 'little' stuff. He's been answering.

I have been SO tired and stressed I haven't been praying in the morning. Or at night either. I've been stressed b/c I'm not praying. But I don't think God is mad at me for it. [upset whatever] And when I've been overwhelmed, I've just praised. So basically, I've been praising for about 2.5 months. Not praying.

I KNOW we are all passing thru gates this year. I KNOW this has been coming for YEARS. But it's STILL hard to actually DO it. And I think I will feel better once I get the business stuff under control. Contract out the making of some of the products. Stuff like that. Everything takes time, but I am just so miserable now. So I take lots of showers. Cause taking a shower always makes you feel better. And waking up in the morning, cause joy comes in the morning. And I'm finally crying now. I took down a phone number for a support group. On the flyer at the courtroom, it said, 'if you had a chance to save a life...wouldn't you save your own?' there's some place in my mind that is not a strong woman, it's a place maybe I need to go to the inner healing and deliverance counselors for. It's the place where I'm scared of being an adult, cause what if I fail. So it's fear and insecurity. Lovely. Just when you think it's safe to go back in the water....or in this case, just when I think it's safe to stand on my own feet and move forward because I thought I dealt with all this already....guess i better put this on my blog page. my-walk-with-god.com and put my three bunches of tulips I got at trader joe's in water.

As I was watering today, I thought, 'if I hadn't of gotten the restraining order, this 'end' wouldn't have happened. I think this r. o. is the catalyst to get ME moving into MY new beginnings. Oh man, it's hard though.

my house is sooooo clean now, i love it. and i've promised myself every time i get the counters cleaned off, i will buy flowers. Stephanie did it this time, but i bought the flowers. :)