Marriage After Independence
A good book title

February 3- 2005
I forgot about ME. I was concentrating so hard on being a good wife, a submissive wife, a good Christian, that I forgot about me.

Marriage after 18 years of independence. Ohmygoodness, what changes take place.

I was praying in the 'us', but not praying in the 'I'. I forced myself over and over to say this is 'our' business, not 'mine'. I prayed always in the 'us', not the 'me'. I rebelled in my spirit and didn't know it.

I took no care of my self, because I was busy taking care of the house, him, the business, everything but me. I thought I would go on, as I always had, fairly healthy, yet always praying about health issues. I thought I could overlook the things that angered me so about what he didn't do. I thought I could at least get him to change his non-cleaning habits by example. Isn't that how people learn is by example?

It didn't work. None of it.

We have a prayer we pray, that has been modified several times to suit us. [the basis is found here I finally changed it to suit ME yesterday. It's about ME, not about US.

I just found out I have osteoporosis pretty bad in my spine and hips. And a swollen lymph node, [if it doesn't go down with the anti-biotic he will do a cat scan], and a sinus infection. And *I* thought I was doing pretty good! The sinus infection must explain the facial pain I've been having for a couple of months. I have to take an anti-biotic, during which time, I can't take calcium. This completely threw me and it scared me. I'm only 51! I don't FEEL old nor do I LOOK that old. Osteoporosis is a 'disease' and my husband has paid little attention to moving things out of the walkway so I don't trip anymore, and less to me than he did before. {i never thought THAT could be possible}.

While I was crying in my bed last nite, [we sleep in separate beds because our NEW bed [never go to Mattress Outlet/Sleep Gallery] puts off fumes that is making us sick], I finally decided I was important enough to ask him to take time off. I NEED him with me, I NEED some loving. I did, he did and he went to work anyway, because 'they needed him'. Like without him the whole world would come to an end. His epitath, His Work Was More Important Than His Wife.

At least this revelation came through for me. I'm going to put ME first. If I don't, no one else will, or does. And putting myself first, means I will be taking better care of ME, and hopefully these health situations I find myself in now, will be taken care of and *I* will feel better, and because of that, I will feel better about me.



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