Washing my car was nice of you, and when I came out and asked you to wash the inside doors, you balked but said you would. but it's not enough that you wash my car. you need to put me first. how can you love me better, what can you do to make me feel protected, loved   cherished? you are supposed to love me as Christ loved the church and gave His life for her. Christ died for the church, He did everything to teach, protect and love His people. He gave His life for His bride, us. As I said this morning, i have to guard myself against you all the time. I can't relax around you because I never know when I'll have to protect my emotions against you. I.e., not giving a response tells me you don't care about how I feel. Not giving me love making, tells me you don't love me. Not being careful of my body in bed, tells me you don't care about me. I know the bed thing was not intentional, but you not being careful of me, shows me you are not thinking of me and how you and your body treat with me. Since, you are not careful, loving & protective of me, it takes all my energy to protect myself, instead of using that energy to protect, love and nourish you. on top of that, I try to use any excess energy, excess reserves, to be nice to you, to make dinner, since I know that is one thing that makes you feel loved. To get along with you. To keep my mouth shut when you don't give me a response. [which tells me I am not worth the time it takes to you for you to give a thoughtful response] I have said for years that you drain the energy out of me. if you go to sierra vista my concern is things won't change. because you won't be here during the week, any time you are here, there would be lots of talking, so there's nothing to stimulate you to change. but, OTOH, in nigh onto 12 years, you haven't changed with stimulus. maybe you going to SV is still the best thing. It's in God's hands. Janine, who still has no nickname from you, although I've pleaded with you to give me one. Some loving name you call me. that right there, is a testament to your refusal to be married. back