Going thru it with my son John. Blood is NOT thicker than water and I don't like him and at 31 he hasn't changed yet. I have realized my whole life has been about drama stuff and it has worn me out, mentally, definitely physically, and emotionally. I need to stop what I'm doing and find a different way to do it. I need to evaluate people and decide who will be close to me and who I will keep at arms' length. However THAT is hard for me to do. It is NOT hard for others. And to that end, I have always felt rejected, because they were doing this already. Yes, it is good I am learning this, however at age 53, that means there so much of the old stuff to unlearn and let go of. [I wish I wish I wish I had had parents who knew this and taught it to me. ] but that is neither here nor there, it can't be undone. So being pleasant is not a bad thing, it's a means of coping with the outside people. Elaine, my mother is pleasant to me, most times. Other times she's rude and discourteous. My sister is pleasant. My son is the vilest form of relative. Where he used to be brash and out and out nasty, telling me to f* off in every letter and ALWAYS, without fail, bringing up the past, now he is caustic - like lye, and his emails beat me up for whatever is in the distant past and he doesn't like about me. Everyone lauds me for being so 'transparent' so 'real', so 'open'. I would give everything I have, except my soul, to not be that way. back Seabuckthorn