Coming From a Position of Strength

After writing to a Pastor that we are now in separate bedrooms, as of July 1, 2007, he wrote back and said, 'Sorry to hear that, hope things turn around'. This is my reply to him.

I'm not sorry and this is where God wants me and I know why, and what I am to do. And if done right, the outcome will be a lot better than what it is. This will give God ROOM to move in Steve's life without me having expectations on him, Steve will be free to LIVE without me being an albatross around his neck. If Steve is going to change, if he is sincere, this gives him the opportunity.

For me, I will get back to the happy person I used to be, before I was trying SO HARD to submit, the way I THOUGHT the Bible was saying. The way YOU say it is absolutely right. The way a book I was reading at Sam's is right, but I had it screwed up.

And I lost myself in the interim. This will give ME a chance to gain back the joy and strength I used to have without being a constant tyrant. I have my tyrannical moment's, but I was never a perpetual tyrant.

I'm happy for the first time in a VERY long time.

I won't be coming at this as SO MANY Christians think I should, I will be doing it from a different angle and SO MANY Xns don't understand, but it's not for them to understand, it's for ME, each of us has a different walk and God speaks to each of us in different ways. This is how it is for me, at this point in time.

i read a blurb in a Xn book today about having a nice saying, to reply with. an 'okie dokie' or 'no problem' or whatever. I SEE [said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw. ]

Steve will HAVE to grow up. If he won't, then all we will be is barely friends. Acquaintances. I will not divorce him 1. because he doesn't want me too, except when he's screaming at me, and 2. that is better left unwritten.

I have more than enough grounds for a Biblical divorce as well as a legal one. However that is not my intent.

I will give Steve one year. From today, 7/2/07, til next year. If he has not made significant progress, it's over for me. As it is now, I am not in love with him. I used to be, however that died quite a while ago. I have kept reviving it and trying my best to not let it die. I had been moderately successful. But, as everyone knows, one-sided anything won't work.

There is inner healing and deliverance available to him. There is Jesus available to him, there is lots of things. Right now, for the 10 years that I've known him, he chooses himself. Will he chose God over the computer? Will he chose me over the computer?

He's got one year. 21 days is enough to change anyone, almost any habit if it's tried for every one of those days. Even 30 days for some slowpokes.

He's got one year. After which time, I will shut my heart to him and get completely on with my life.
And as long as we are in separate bedrooms, having separate lives, it will work for me, because *I* have to remember to not put expectations on him and to do whatever it is I have to do myself. Only asking for help if it's something he can do because of his skill level. But not because I am lazy, don't want too, whatever.

There has to be space enough to grow mostly for him, and there has to be space enough for me to rest and regroup. To be happy again. To come at this relationship from a position of strength, instead of dependence. The way I USED to be, BS. [before Steve] LOL







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