July 2, 2007, after writing June 30, 2007. If you've been reading along, you know we are in separate bedrooms. Yesterday we went to separate church services. I called and asked him if he would meet me at a big box store, I wanted to buy a t.v. and not sure what to look for. He came. I was going thru the book section. I picked up a book from some female Christian author, opened it, WILLY NILLY and read about 'serve your husband'. I'm like, "I don't THINK so". It went on to say, to speak nicely to him. To say nice things, brightly. To have a pat phrase, like...'no problem!', or 'sure thing darling', or 'okie dokie'. A friend of mine uses 'okie dokie' all the time. She has been teaching me about 'personal power'. Graham Cooke calls it 'peace'. Call it whatever you want, it's about not allowing ourselves to get angry when people push our buttons. It's having control over ourselves. We can be angry, Jesus was angry when people were selling things in his temple/church. However Jesus also says, 'be angry and sin not'. So my anger needs to be productive, not selfish or prideful. So Sunday July 1, 2007, when we got home, I opened up a newsletter and read something from Bill Yount, a seer/prophet. When he writes, 99% of the time it has to do with me. BECAUSE MANY MIRACLES AND HEALINGS ARE URGENTLY NEEDED NOW IN THE BODY OF CHRIST, WE MUST AGREE AND DECREE CORPORATELY! I sense the key in this decree is the word "corporately." I am totally convinced the command to love one another, whether we believe it or not, is a serious matter of life and death. It was never an option or just a good idea. Could our healing be hiding from us because it has been waiting to be released from inside the person we have not forgiven and have not been reconciled to? Could the one person you dislike hold the key to your healing, or are you holding the key to theirs? Forgive me if I am meddling, but we need to turn over every stone to see where the answers are. Ok, so I was getting the point. I knew I would have to pray. The above warmed me up for what was coming...below. HUMBLE YOURSELF UNDER THE LEAST IN THE BODY OF CHRIST AND EVEN UNDER THE PERSON YOU DON'T THINK IS SAVED...YOU MAY BE SURPRISED BY WHAT HAPPENS! Humility is where healing and miracles are created. Especially when you humble yourself under someone whom you think is less important than you. Years ago when I had the attack against my heart, I had gone home for a visit. Before I left for home, I was challenged to ask a relative to keep me in prayer concerning my heart. On the way home I thought I must be crazy asking that relative to pray for me, b/c I didn't even think they were saved or knew how to pray. It was humbling to me at the time and didn't make sense. A month later, this relative calls me on the phone for the first time ever and shares how she has been diagnosed with a huge tumor. They called my us to ask us to pray over the phone with her. We prayed a simple prayer and God healed her. The next cat scan showed no tumor! God showed me because I had humbled myself and asked her to pray for me, it opened up the door for her to feel comfortable calling and asking for prayer when she needed it. Humility brings the walls down between people so God can move. Her healing set her on fire for the Lord! So I've been getting these messages for the last two days. However June 30, 2007 is true also. I woke up this morning and began talking to God. I NEED a space of my own. I need a place where I can have my own life, where I can rest from whomever or whatever. A place to pray, a place to regroup. Men have their garage or their den. I need a space. So, getting up this morning, praying, I read a teaching on Elijah list from Francis Frangipane This was the warm-up: "I want to talk about how the Lord raises up a mature man or woman of God--the drives and attitudes that propel a person into a fully committed walk with Jesus Christ. It is essential to realize from the beginning that, when it comes to doing God's will, both the person and God's provision will always seem inadequate. Oh, you will have been prepared, somewhat. You will have studied and prayed, but not enough. Yet, to know that you are inadequate is a tremendous advantage in spiritual growth. It is a milestone en route toward true spirituality, which is born of dependency on God, not human self-sufficiency. Once a person knows he is inadequate, he will not waste years discovering it. Not a day goes by that I am not aware of my inadequacies. I know the very best of my efforts, in and of themselves, are totally insufficient. The moment I think otherwise, I guarantee failure for myself. While the Lord has many ways to inspire my spiritual growth, the greatest seasons of increase come almost in spite of myself. The process begins with the Lord revealing some task or need that is both absolutely necessary and totally impossible for me to fulfill. Sometimes, I hide in the "familiar" tasks I know I can accomplish, but a time of reckoning comes. It usually is a time of pressure or stress which, beginning with the rediscovery of my frailties, ends with me broken and waiting upon the Lord. It is right here, as I am contemplating the pitifully small offering of myself which I am offering Jesus, that He says to my heart, "Come here to Me." And here is where the miracle of grace begins. For as I surrender myself afresh into His hands, a new dimension in my walk with God starts to unfold, one of supernatural multiplication. "He took the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up toward Heaven, He blessed the food, and breaking the loaves, He gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave to the multitudes, and they all ate and were satisfied" (vs. 19-20). Getting WARMER: Whatever you give to Jesus, He will bless and break. A true disciple always carries these two seemingly contradictory characteristics. We know His wonderful, undeserved blessing; and, we are broken of pride, self-sufficiency and boasting. He lets us know assuredly that, as Christians, we have one Source for all of our power. The sooner we realize our effectiveness does not originate in us, but in Christ, the quicker we will experience the miracles that He produces. Indeed, when He reveals to us our weaknesses, it is only because He is preparing us to receive more of His power into our lives. When Jesus performed the miracle of the loaves and fish, He and His disciples were wearied and needed strength. Added to this came the distressing news that John the Baptist had been beheaded. The Lord was seeking to take His disciples to a place where they could "rest awhile" (Mark 6:31). Yet, great multitudes came. It was in this very circumstance of weakness that He performed this great miracle of grace. As it was with Jesus, so it is with us: It is when we sense our weaknesses most vividly that God can use us most mightily! The Lord will continually present to us tasks that we have never done before. He will require each of us to give our all, even as inadequate as we seem. As we look to God in our weariness and weakness, we will find Christ's strength. This, indeed, is the essence of God's Kingdom: Divine greatness manifest in common people. HOT, we are HOT: In these days ahead, the Lord is going to show you a need that will seem absolutely beyond your ability to perform. Your natural response will be, "I'm just an average person with limited resources. I can't do what He's asked me to do." Yet, if you will be still, you shall soon hear your Master's voice quietly, confidently saying, "Bring the need to Me." Do as He commands. For as you give the insufficiency of your skills and your pitiful provisions to Him, He will begin to bless and break you, and then miraculously multiply what you give Him. In all my years of ministry, I know of no transforming grace greater than that which comes when, in spite of our inadequacies, we obey God in the face of the impossible". So I held my head in my hands and asked, "Lord, what do you want of me"? His answer: "I want you to lay down your self. Your pride and your self. I want you to serve him as you would serve Me". So I got in the shower and screamed [literally]. In my heart I said, "YUK!" and deeeeper inside I stamped my foot. Then out loud I said...'what about MY NEEDS? they are NEVER met'. The common sense side, the side that has heard the cliche many times before, said, 'when you meet his needs yours will be met'. I've done THAT before without the predictable results. So I realized THAT wasn't from God. But this was.. Lay down your SELF and serve him as you serve me. Sooooo, self is.....pride, demanding, controlling, selfish, lazy. And it's NOT about the spouse, it's about ME as a CHRISTIAN, to be a better person, to do and live as Jesus wants me too. It's not about getting rewards from God, it's not about doing what He wants and getting something back. It's not about 'test me and see that I will give back'. [somehow a lot of us confuse that scripture on tithing with everything else in life]. It's about SELF. Lay down my SELF and all it contains, to serve the Lord in how He wants me to serve. This time, it's Steve. I will have to work through this one. I do need to get my health and strength back. I need to also focus on eating right, taking my supplements, on resting and taking care of me. To do this, I need my own space. I need a place to rest and recuperate. I need my own life, not dependent on any THING else, not dependent on any ONE else, only God. I also need to: Fast and pray. For wisdom, health, strength and a change of heart. So if anyone reads this, pray for me won't you?