Written to a friend 1/19/11 -this is really good. Really insightful I was thinking of you this morning while blow drying my hair. You said you are trying this year to see a speck of good in people. i normally do that anyway. My problem is I see the speck of good usually, however I do not process as quickly the flaws and faults. Because of MY flaw, I get hurt easier than most b/c by the time I process it, I've invested myself. Once I've invested myself, a drastic break is harder to deal with, it's a tearing of my heart, my emotions. As a Christian in a friendship, we hope that we can pray with and for each other and when something nasty happens, and it will....we can pray about it, forgive the offender and get back to being friends again. Because ALL of life is about learning to forgive and be better people. The whole 'deal' to life is we all have faults and flaws. If we like someone we overlook their faults and flaws at the beginning because we hope we can get better acquainted, then we see if we reallllly like them and continue on with a deeper, abiding, [we hope] friendship. If, as we get to know them more, we can't overlook the faults and flaws, we break off the budding friendship. The Bible says 'irons sharpens iron'. We were created to help each other. That's why one man is not an island and if she/he makes themself into one, they suffer. Each one of us has abilities and qualities that can help another. Other people also bring in a different perspective. We can utilize that if we care too listen, accept it, change it. If we don't, then there may be another time we will listen to, accept it, change it. There may NEVER come another time that we will listen to, accept it and/or change it. And if a person never does any of the above, we need to decide what type of friends we want to be. It's whether each individual wants to take the time to learn, to grow, to overlook certain issues. When one person doesn't like another for whatever reason, it's not that either one is necessarily 'bad'. It all depends on the inner qualities and the desires of the people seeking to be friendly and be friends. Some people want superficial friendships. Some want abiding friendships. Some want both. Sometimes each has their part in another's life for a 'time'. I like getting to know people. People and how they are, have always been of great interest to me. It depends on where a person is in their life and what type of friends they have already as to what type of friends they are looking for. If I can spot a superficial person from the git go, so much the better for me, as I generally do not want superficial friends. I like to pray with my friends. I like to talk about God and Godly things. If I don't 'click' with someone, as the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. It doesn't mean I am wrong or they are bad. So that's my take on the whole Melanie deal. I find her to be superficial and the best part of the first meetup for GP is that you were there to give your perspective, because I may have been lead down the merry lane without your insight. You think you are critical of people so you want to change that. I don't see that in you. I see you as getting to the heart of a matter and picking up on little cues quickly and being able to articulate it. That, your sense of humor, and responsibility level are the best things about you that I see, so far. It's GOOD we each see flaws and faults and try to work on them ourselves. But I think it would be good for each of us to remember that what WE get down on ourselves for, may be a quality someone else doesn't have and admires. We may still need to change it in ourselves, however it would be good if we each were not so hard on ourselves. For me, I see your parents as good parents because you didn't know you were poor til you moved out. That's an admirable quality in your parents, because most kids know in their teens if they are poor or not. This might be a way of looking at what seems to have been a painful situation for you. End result? She quit being my friend. She never responded. Which is OK. Cause she was superficial. She would never open up, never talk about herself. She likes it that way. I would rather have meaningful relationships. Back