March 22, 2005

the doc ofc called today and she STARTS with...

'I have bad news', like, I haven't had ENOUGH????

I'm sittin there wondering how I could hold the phone away from my ear to not hear it, while still listening to the gist of it. Wondering how to let the Lord deal with it while I still had to listen to it.

on and on about the 24 hour urine test.

upshot...the lab let my urine sit out too long and I have to re-do it. is THAT ALLL??????

I ended up crying in the kitchen, realizing what was hitting me. couldn't put it in words before.

it's like they tell you you are dying, and it's going to be a slow painful death and there's not much they can do about it, and you have to take these pills and such, but it's pretty bad and we don't know what your quality of life is going to be, IF you get to have a 'quality of life'.

i would like to go bury myself in the covers. but someone has to have the products ready for Steve so he doesn't have to do it all himself.

sometimes life goes on and on and on and on.

Sometimes, life is good.

Sometimes taking one breath at a time is all we can do.

Sometimes we're in denial, sometimes we're not.

and sometimes life all comes to together and is VERY good and VERY lively, and satisfying and giggly and stupendous and enjoyable and sparkly.

and sometimes I just wish there were more of the sparkly times than the down times and wonder why there's so MANY down times.

and lots of times i wish we had lots of money so we could take a vacation to be able to shrug off the ickiness of the bad news and just enjoy living again.

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