Letter from estranged son 1/2007: I touched on this before, a few weeks ago.....I think we agreed a little bit back then to just NOT discuss any of the issues/problems we have had...and just kind of sweep it under the rug...right? I dont mean specific instances or situations...I just mean general differences in philosophy and approach that we have...same ones we have always had. And that's fine...I'm still ok with that...but a big part of me feels weird just pretending like stuff never happened....or that there arent problems on both sides that need to be addressed...and so forth. I mean...what I'm saying is...I would think before picking up of China or going to church or dinner or any of that...wouldnt there be an official (or unnofficial haha) apology from both of us? Or wouldnt we want to at least talk about how to prevent major collapses in the future? We don't necessarily need to focus on what happened in any one incident....I think that's where differences of opinion arise and things have the potential to get nasty or mean...what I'm talkinga bout is talking about a way forward...to prevent it from happening again...you know? I don't know. I just think there are some fairly deep issues at play here with all parties, and some not so nice things were said by all parties...and sure we can sweep it under the rug and try to move forward positively...and that may work for a while...but I found in many experiences in my life that that is only a recipe for disaster, as the problems will inevitably re-surface again at some point. I just know that I would much, much rather be at peace and be happy and get along than NOT get along. For sure. And I would rather not just walk around with everyone knowing there are issues just below the surface, but we're all being kind of plastic and putting on a smile and pretending like they arent there. I would like to really apologize for some of the crappy things I said a few months ago, just speaking for myself...but that's only half the equation. The other half is figuring out positive steps/ways so that that never happens again...you know? I guess what I'm saying is....I just feel there is unresolved business that needs attending to before we just start waltzing off into breakfasts and church services and games of yahtzee! haha Does that make sense? What do you think? My answer: For me, it's best to not get into anything in the past. I can't change it, and to go there would stir up stuff that's best unstirred. it's not so much under the rug, that would mean it's not out in the open, however, why go back there? Is there ANYTHING either one of us can do to make it different? no. Then let's start from where we are. If we find we can't stand the other's way of thinking or whatever we can shut up, stay away from each other, discuss the problem, deal with it on our own, all the avenues open to those in relationships that want to keep having that relationship. If one of us does not like how the other person does something, then we overlook it, accept it, or stay away. It's what is most important to a person. I am past any of the stuff from before, as far as I know. I KNOW I can't deal with stresses anymore. So I choose not to go to places that might cause it. The past will cause it. I won't go there. Esp since it cant' be changed. disagreements happen. we work thru those as they come. We HAVE to take 'it' from HERE. If we don't, we fall into what we wish happened, what we WANTed to happen, all PAST stuff. in my experience the problems will not resurface if both parties have gotten past whatever the problem was. IF there is forgiveness. I have forgiven you. You don't need to ask for it. It's something I do for myself, within myself. [funny, I wrote that before I read the rest of your letter. ] It's not sweeping it UNDER the rug for me. It's PAST for me. Ain't no plastic here. I think we should start waltzing! Reply from estranged relative: Wow. What a good email. One of your best...and I dont mean that sarcastically or snide. I'm being serious. I have to agree with pretty much everything you said. I REALLY like your attitude and approach as you laid it out there. Man, I think if we can both ( not just us, but any two people) think THAT way, as you said in your email, and put it into practice...then the sky's the limit. So, in other words, I agree with you. Everything you said was well said. And, for the record, I also forgive you for all of that stuff in the past as well. I'm glad we can and have forgiven each other. That's an important step, for sure. Yes! We shall waltz. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * It has taken years to reach this point for both of us. This just shows, it CAN be done. And I've learned forgiveness is FOR ME, I don't forgive for the other person, I forgive so *I* will be healthy. And time does not heal all wounds, however time does give one enough distance and time to sort through feelings and learn things and come to grips with issues. ***************************************************** But it didn't last. 11/25/07 Back seabuckthorn soap, seabuckthorn shampoo, seabuckthorn oils, sea buckthorn oils. All found at Blue Sage Naturals seabuckthorn home