It's October 6, 2005, 10:23 a.m. I JUST had a light bulb moment. I have been reading
on the hedge of protection God gives us as his children.
As his children, when we BECOME his children, he BECOMES our FATHER! Now my knowledge
of a father was distorted, seriously so. So just now I realized that when I became
God's child, he has loved me with an everlasting love.
God's love is like nothing we have ever experienced. He saved me from himself,
his wrath, for himself. So God saved me from God, for God. And this deep, abiding,
forever love he has for us is not only real, it's FOREVER. AND...
His love is full of patience, joy, grace, favor and a tenderness I've never known before.
So this light bulb that went off, was that God as my Father, has loved me like this
SINCE I became a Christian. So for 4 years I HATED living in Phoenix, Az,
even though I KNEW it was God's will I was here. And I was grieved that I was grieving
the Holy Spirit because I didn't like it here. I was SO upset, SO worried that I was
not being obedient and liking it where he put me, that that caused more stress. I got
SO mad at God. I TOLD him how angry I was, I SHOWED him how angry I was. Then I would repent
for my behavior etc.
I JUST REALIZED THAT GOD IS SOOOO PATIENT, SO MERCIFUL, BECAUSE HE LOVES ME! He doesn't love
me like an earthly Father. He loves me purely. He doesn't take offense at me [another light
bulb and now I'm crying], he loves me. Even though. Even though I've cussed at him, even
though I've been angry at what He does, even though I've been stupid and acted stupidly. Even though I've not obeyed every time. Even though.
Oh my gosh.
God loves me. He's been telling me he loves me with an everlasting love. Jer 31.3 Just a
little further than the scripture most Christians love, Jer 29.11.
An everlasting love. When we become his children, he puts a hedge of protection around us.
[looking up exactly what a hedge of protection is, caused me to realize how he loves me]
WOW! God has NEVER been mad at me! He has NEVER hit me. He has NEVER betrayed me, just like he
said to me in a prophetic word in 9/04, "I am your friend and I lie not. And I will not fail you, forsake you, neglect you, or betray you".
God has only seen me through his eyes, through the blood of Jesus. Some time ago I realized
'God is not mad at me'. This takes that a step further. He never WAS mad at me. Even when
I have shaken my fist at him, he didn't stop loving me. He sees me as a Father is supposed
to see and treat his children. With love. With discipline. But far above how WE think
a good Father is supposed to act, God is so much better than what most wounded people can
imagine.
There's a scripture where God says, 'My ways are not your ways and my thoughts are not your
thoughts'. God himself is NOT like anyone most of us have imagined. He is OH! so MUCH BETTER!
SO much more loving! So forgiving. And he is faithful to forgive us our sins, BECAUSE
he wants us back in right relationship with him!!!! [another light bulb] Which is??? Love,
obedience, love, love, love.